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Paltrow and Martin not at fault in this high asset divorce

Gweneth Paltrow and her husband, rocker Chris Martin, who is a member of the band Coldplay, have made a decision to become "consciously uncoupled." This high asset divorce is like a conventional divorce in that it may be right for some people who desire to let go of the more accepted method. The idea behind this theory is that the cause of the break-up does not lie with Paltrow or Martin, or any of us, but with bigger forces that are beyond the control of either of them.

The theory says that for the most part in history, human beings had short lives and weren't wired to stay with the same person for 25 or more years. It is only modern times that the belief that a marriage should last a lifetime came into being. The expert who wrote on this subject purports that since we are living up to three times longer than in the distant past, we need to re-evaluate marriage.

The high divorce rate is because our construct of both biology and psychology aren't set up for us to be with the same person for multiple decades. This plan says that we are unrealistic in the belief that marriage should be monogamous for decades on end. Emma Thompson, a famous actress, told the Daily Telegraph last year monogamy may be past its sell-by date.

Another expert believes that the social norm of having one sex partner for 50 year may be too much to expect from a person. So the question is if this is an idea that has outlived its usefulness, are Paltrow and Martin, and the rest of us, not held to this standard anymore?

The experts say that we tend to overreach our relationships by making our spouse our best friend, sex partner, sounding board, companion and all else. We tend to expect our marriage to give us absolutely everything we need. Wedding vows can make us sound crazy and out of touch because it seems that this person is completing you. Being a soul mate often means making your spouse your one and only confidant, which can be unhealthy.

Now may be the time to evaluate where you are in your marriage. This may be the time to consult with someone who can guide you through a divorce and help you protect yourself.

Source: New York Post, "Marriages ‘uncoupled’ by unrealistic expectations — not biology" Naomi Schaefer Riley, Mar. 30, 2014

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